Jokes:
This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.

Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. What happened?
A: The customer had hiccups.

I've used this in many countries in Eastern Europe. It always works - a shock as a hiccup cure appears to be an international thing.


Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No idea.(No-eye deer)


ESL teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with "I is a vowel".

1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
2.  ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
3.  ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra''
4.  A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
5.  A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.
6.  Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.          
7.  Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.  The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.           
8.  Another one was:  Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.  'It's not unusual' he replied.    
9. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.       
10.  A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.''          
11.  I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.  
12.  My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.   

13.  I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.         

14.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.''    

15.  There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''           
16.  I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 

17.  When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.  

18.  ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''        

19.   I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''. 

20.   I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.           

21.   A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''

22.  Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.       

23.  A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
24.  A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''      

25.  The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
6.   I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.      

27.  Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

28.  A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ''But why?'' they asked, as they moved off. ''because,'' he said ''I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.''

29.   I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, ''Are you two an item?''  
30.   I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.           

31.  So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck''.

32.  Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''       

33.  I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

34.  There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

35.  I went down the local supermarket, I said, ''I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it'', he said, "Those are pickled onions''.           

36.  I backed a horse last week at ten to one.  It came in at quarter past four.       

 37.   I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said ''may contain nuts.'' Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for! You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!''          

38.   A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, What a turtle disaster    

39.  My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, ''Who's that calling at this time?' ''I don't know! If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!''   

40.  I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''.

41.   Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.     

42.  I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.         

 43.  You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.    

44.  A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''  

 45.   I tried water polo but my horse drowned.     

 46.   I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. 

47.   So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.  

48.   Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.           

49.  A seal walks into a club...  

50.   I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went  -  and I got it.

In a closed circle of friends (middle aged group) someone mentioned about the secret of financial prosperity of a smelly country like Japan.

The secret is that there is cottage industry in every home something or the other is being produced in every home. That makes the country rich.

***********

Was Papa the first man who ever proposed to you, Mama?”

“Yes; but why do you ask?”

“I was just thinking that you might have done better if you had shopped around a little more.”

**********

The mother of a large family lined up her children.

“Now, the one who obeys me the quickest and does exactly as he’s told without arguing will get a rupee at the end of the week”.

“It ‘s not fair,” said the youngest after some thought.

“Daddy’ I win easily”

*********

I challenged my friend that if he is able to eat one hundred Gulabjamuns. I were ordered and the friend ate all the hundred, and got a hundred rupee note also. I asked, “Well, it is good, that you have won the bet, but I cannot understand why you asked for an hour’s time. He replied, “I had gone home to do rehearsal whether I can eat that number”

पुरा भिडियो हेर्न त्यो माथि बक्सको बिचमा क्लिक गर्नुहोस

Jokes:
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

No.1) yadi timile malai kiss garna khojyau bhane ma karauchhu..
Keta  “tara yaha tada tada samma kohipani chain ?

Keti “ malai thaha chha tara formality ta pura garnu paryo ni..


 No. 2 Rambahadur Dashain ko lagi khasi kinna gayecha!!!

Rambahadur: Sahuji tyo ghorle khasi ko kati paisa ho?

Sahuji: Jamma 500 rupaiya.

Rambahadur: Ammama kati sasto ta. Kina ni testo!!!!
Sahuji: China ko khasi ho. Gurantee hudaina,
ghar pugne bela samma bhukna pani sakcha!!!!!


 No. 3 Ekjana le sadhu danga bhanyo “ mero srimatile ekdam dukha dinchha kunai upaye bataunus maharaj
Sadhu “Are gadha ! upaye thaha bhayeko bhaye ma sadhu hunthe…

Joke No. 4

Keta ketilai jiskaudai ” priya ,timikai ma hirday bhitra rakhchhu”

Keti  “sandil kholu .

Keta – ”pagal ,  yo mero hirday ho , kunai mandir hoina ..


 Joke No. 5  Dad – Yati thorai marks ? 2/4 thappad hirkaunu parne ?


Son – ho dad,hirkaunu parne , jau maile dekheko chhu sir ka ghar

 No. 6)  Ram – talking in cell politely

Shym- ko sanga kura gardai ho ?

Ram – wife sanga ?

Shym – yati prem le

Ram – timro ho ni………


 No. 7) Ghadi ra Srimatima k farak 6 ?

Euta bigriye pachhi banda hunchha arko bigre pachhi chalu hunchha

 No. 8) Lovi BAHUN KAHTMANDU s.t.d. call Garnu Parda, K garla ? Kathandu Pugera Local cal Garchha.


 No. 9) Boy: If I Kiss u, Wht do u Think? Gal: T Think, Euta Bebkuf, Jo Pura NEPAL Ghumna Sakthiyo, Airport Batai Farkiyo .


 No. 10) When i call u, 1 ring means i’ m thinking of u, 2 rings means i like u, 3 rings means i’m missing u, 4 rings means i need u, 5 rings mean.. BAHERA HO ???.. PHONE BAJEKO SUNENAU, PHONE UTHAU….. BAHERA..


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