Sexual problems are maintained between 2 people.  High/low, kinky/vanilla, softer/harder, erotic/dull desire – whatever the differences… people can’t resolve sexual issues because of the speck/log problem.  We can see what our partner is doing wrong.  The question we need to ask is, “What am I doing (or not doing) that gets in the way of a satisfying sex life?”

Sam wanted his wife to be free and uninhibited.  Once when she was on top, she reached down to stimulate herself. By taking matters into her own hands, so to speak, he thought she was communicating that he (his size, rhythm, whatever) wasn’t good enough.  Not a regular drinker, she decided to try some wine before bed.  He complained that she had acted silly not sensuous.  His anxiety about being adequate proscribed the ways she could change things.  His expectations about what freedom looked like turned spontaneity into a command – “be spontaneous the way I like it.” Marianna was bored in bed.  She longed for skilled seduction from her husband.  Most of the time he acted like a little boy, joking about, “When were they gonna do the jungle act?”  He grabbed at her breasts and buttocks.  Junior high jokes about farting and burping were his kind of funny.  In turn, Marianna acted prim.  She more often than not, rejected his initiations by rolling her eyes.  Her reactions made her the mother or the school-marm and him the naughty little boy.  She never took on the role of seductress because she believed initiation was the man’s role.

Questions to ask yourself:

1)   What 3 words describe your ideal sexual encounter?  You have to know what you want and own it before you can get it.  In my clinical experience, women more often than men, describe ideal sex as “I’ll know it when it happens.”  This attitude lacks the adult responsibility of shaping our future and makes it impossible to ask for what we want.

2)   Have I met the conditions my partner has asked for? Spouses might have peculiar requests but meeting them minimally reduces their argument for resistance.  Not meeting simple requests reinforces the power struggle between you. For instance, your partner says, “I’d feel more comfortable giving oral sex if you showered first.”  Shower.  “Your breathe is a turn-off.” Get regular dental cleanings, scrape your tongue, dental floss your teeth.  “I want you to initiate.”  Buck up.  Be courageous.  Plan a seduction. “I want to feel connected before we have sex.” Schedule a twice weekly lunch/date/dinner to talk about emotional subjects, dreams, goals – think dating. Keep the appointment as a matter of integrity regardless of what happens sexually.  Change is uneven and not based on quid pro quo. 

3)   Does my temper make my spouse feel afraid or anxious? Sex requires a sense of physical safety and most often relaxation.  If you can’t control your mouth – MOVE YOUR FEET!  Put a door between yourself and your family before one cross word or one elevated decibel threatens to destroy a normal disagreement.  Commit within yourself to a zero tolerance standard over your inappropriate anger.

4)   Do I keep raising the bar? Spouses become afraid that change will only last if they keep the pressure on.  Most people respond to appreciative reinforcement more.  Say thank you! Talk about how great small changes are without mentioning the next step.  Keep in mind that changes happen along an average trajectory with a step back every now and then.  Don’t over-react if the old pattern emerges temporarily.

5)   Am I a blamer?  In most decent couples, for every transgression of our spouse, there is a corollary to the way we have injured the relationship.  Find it.  Own it.  Forget calling attention to your partner’s every flaw.  That is exhausting to a relationship.  Being one up means your partner is one down – you both lose.

6)   Have I given sex its proper priority? – One woman I knew exercised 11 hours a week – tennis lessons, 3x weight training, 3x aerobics, etc.  She said she was too tired for sex.  Yet trading one of those hours for love-making would have eliminated their stressful fights over sex.  Poor decision.  Another man felt life was good but would be better with just a little more sex; his nagging eroded a relationship that was satisfactory.  In both examples, the people felt anxiety over getting close.  She was afraid of being controlled if she let him into her body or gave him leave to exercise her in a different way.  He was afraid that there would never be enough sensation to satisfy an aching need inside; he projected responsibility for his emptiness onto her.

7)   Does comparing outside my relationship leave me envious and unsatisfied? No matter how the neighbor brags, most people don’t volunteer the unvarnished truth about their sexual problems. Jokes, innuendos and public displays of affection are sometimes actually designed to make others jealous.  Pornography has nothing to do with real life.  Women don’t look that way.  Men aren’t that big.  Truly being satisfied with one person will be more difficult if you feed yourself a visual smorgasbord.

 You can find Laurie Watson's book Wanting Sex Again on Amazon, Barnes and Noble or at  bookstores everywhere. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter!

According to Adam Grant, Wharton’s most popular and youngest tenured faculty member, author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success, people fall into one of 3 distinct categories: Givers, Matchers and Takers. While Grant’s book is written for a business audience, its theories provide extraordinary insight into romantic relationships. The category you fall into may well determine the success and happiness of your relationship!

For example, has a romantic relationship ever made you feel like you were not good enough? Have you ever been taken advantage of by a romantic partner? Have you ever felt like you gave everything to someone and ended up completely worn out? Then you may just fall into the “Giver” style of romantic partner.

Interestingly, while the Giver style may have its drawbacks, Givers are also usually the most attractive partners and more likely to have long-term relationships! A study examining the trait most highly valued in potential romantic partners suggests a different story: both men and women rate kindness as one of their most desired traits. Moreover, givers are also most likely to be affectionate, a trait which determines the long-term success of a relationship (as I describe in this post ) not to mention their own longevity. n order to understand where you fit in and how to best navigate your relationships with others, here’s a summary of the 3 styles of romantic partners.

3 Styles of Romantic Partners

Givers are people whose primary motivation is to take care of others, to make sure others are well, and to contribute to others and society. In a relationship, these are people who are always thinking about gifts for their partner, who take their partners’ interests into consideration, and who are always thinking “What else can I do for you?” They’re pretty awesome. As Grant mentions in his book—everyone likes having givers around because they are always happy to contribute and thinking of others. They understand the relationship as an opportunity to give and take care.

Givers often end up thinking there is something wrong with them when they are unhappy in a relationship. They are the ones who think they are not lovable or good enough because they take personal responsibility for making the relationship work (rather than blaming their partners). They can end up burned out and exhausted, from continuously giving at their own cost if they do not receive the support they need from the relationship.

Matchers tend to keep a balance sheet in a relationship. When matchers give they do so with an expectation of getting something in return.  When they receive something, they feel like they have to give something back. Matchers are the ones who are keeping tabs, and view relationships as somewhat like a commercial transaction.They are the ones who are most likely to say something like:  “I did this for you, but you didn’t do that for me” or “You paid for this, so I’ll pay for that.” 

Takers are just that…takers. They usually treat people well only if and when those people can help them reach their goals. Interestingly, Grant points out that they often appear as the most charming and charismatic people on the surface. They know how to work the crowd and seduce, but under the surface they are actually motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by how poorly they treat people that they believe are of no use to them. You know you’re in a relationship with a taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have (whether it’s money, affection, time etc.). Once the taker has everything they want from you, you may be relegated to the “unimportant” sphere of their life. Their primary focus is themselves.

So Who is Most Successful and Who is Least Successful?

Grant points out a fascinating fact about who, among these 3 styles, is happiest and most successful: It is givers. What about those who are least successful? Also givers! Why? Givers who learn to successfully navigate a world with matchers and takers make out great. Everyone loves givers, trusts them, and supports them when they are in need. So why are Givers also the least successful? Because some givers don’t know how to navigate that world and, as a consequence, end up taken advantage of. If you’re a giver, you’ve been there at least once both professionally and personally.

Imagine a relationship between a giver and a taker? These end up with the giver completely worn out, having perhaps spent their savings, time and energy on someone who keeps demanding more and never or scarcely provides for their partners’ needs (unless they do so temporarily because it behooves them at that moment).

So what makes a successful giver? Read Adam Grant’s book to get his complete lists of tips. One that stood out to me was the idea of being a “giver with awareness.” Awareness of what? Be aware that the world has givers, matchers and takers. Watch people’s words and actions, and you will know who is who. When you navigate romantic relationships, friendships or business partnerships, investigate which category your potential partner belongs to and don’t get blown away by first-impressions (as noted above, Takers are masters of first-impression charm). Then what? In a non-romantic situation, you can deal with Matchers and Takers by adopting a matcher-like attitude (I know, hard to do for a giver!). Start speaking in terms of “ok, we have an agreement, you do this and in exchange I will do this.”

What about in romantic relationships? I conferred with Adam Grant while writing this article and he shared the following tip about long-term love: “In the most successful relationships, both partners are givers. In other words, when a romantic relationship works, matchers and takers are focused on giving.  Both partners might be giving in different ways, but they should be willing to support each other without expecting something in return. That said, when things get too far out of balance, I think we all become matchers.” Imagine a relationship where both partners are always caring for each other’s needs. Where when there is a fight, both are the first to say “I’m sorry, it was my fault.” In which both live their life with their partner’s best interest in mind. You better believe that matchers and takers are also looking out for givers so, if you’re a giver, be sure you seek one out for yourself too because you deserve it.

If you recognize yourself as a matcher or taker then—first of all—congratulations on being so honest with yourself. Of course, because of givers’ affectionate and service-oriented qualities, it is also in your best interest to have a partner who is a giver. However, I’d like you to consider 2 things:

First, givers will never be fully happy unless you support them as they support you. They will eventually feel worn out and perhaps even leave. In a recent study by Amie Gordon at the University of California-Berkeley, those who experienced more gratitude in their relationship also felt closer to their partner, more satisfied with the relationship and tended to engage in more constructive and positive behaviors within the relationship. Ultimately, for a good relationship that benefits you, you will want your partner to be happy and will want to support them in return.

Second, as Grant’s book clearly outlines, givers are the ones who end up being most successful and happy, if they watch out not to be taken advantage of. A large amount of research now shows that a lifestyle comprised of kindness and service leads to greater fulfillment as well as health and happiness. If you want to be happy and successful, it therefore behooves you too to be or become a giver.

With the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays coming up, it's a great time to start being a giver! After all, isn't that what love's about?

For more information on Adam Grant’s book, visit this page on Amazon.

For more of my articles on how to make a relationship thrive, see here and here and here.

"Dr. Laura -- Could you write about transitioning to positive discipline for parents of older kids? If I start Empathic Parenting now with my kids 12 and 9, will it still help? How do I all of a sudden "remove" punishment? My 9 year old always says 'Oh now I guess I am grounded.' How do I change his thinking?"

Yes, empathic parenting always helps. Empathy creates a connection with your child. Children of any age, including teenagers, respond to that connection by being more open to  Grounding your child, removing privileges, punishing with extra chores -- all of these approaches are meant to "teach a lesson." But research shows that kids get preoccupied with the unfairness of the punishment, instead of feeling remorse for what they did wrong. The lesson you want to teach, I assume, is that your child can make a better choice next time. You also want to teach that everyone makes mistakes, and your child has the power and courage to make amends. You want him to practice that. Right? Here's how.

 1. First move yourself from anger into empathy. Once your child knows you're on his side, he feels safe to engage with you. Without that sense of safety, your child's heart is hardened to you -- because he expects judgment and punishment -- and you have no influence at all. So just tell him you need some time to think, and get calm before you talk about what happened. (For more on managing your own anger.)

 2. Start with connection. If your child is worried about you getting upset at her, she'll move into "fight, flight or freeze" and learning will shut down. She's also more likely to lie. The only way to actually "teach a lesson" is to create a safe conversation. To do that, remember that your child has a reason for what she did. You may not consider it a good reason, but to her it's a reason. If you don't find out her reason, you can't prevent a recurrence.

 3. Tell your child you want to hear his thoughts about what happened. Then let him talk. Reflect to clarify (and demonstrate) your understanding:

"I see...so the guys really wanted you to play basketball, and it was at the same time as the study session for the test? That's a hard choice."

"Wow! So you and your sister were really furious at each other... you were so hurt when she....I would have been mad too, if someone said that to me......and you really wanted to get back at her, huh?"

 4. Keep your focus on connecting with your child and seeing the situation from his point of view. This helps you, and him, understand what motivated him. This gives him an opportunity to work through the feeling or the unmet need that drove his behavior. Kids always know what the right choice was, but something got in their way. What was it? How can he (with your help) address that so he can make a better choice next time?

For instance, let's say he played basketball with his friends instead of going to the study session, and then failed his test. You might find as you talk with him that he has a lot of anxiety about being accepted by the guys and felt he had to play basketball to be one of the gang. This social anxiety may be something he actually needs your help to sort out and problem-solve about, and once he does he would be a lot more ready to focus on schoolwork.

But by simply punishing him, you would never have even known about it. You would have lost the opportunity to help him address his feelings and find a good solution for next time. In fact, since punishment doesn't help him resolve his conflict, he might very well do the same thing next time, but invent some story to cover himself.

5. Ask open-ended questions. Keep the conversation as safe and as light as possible. If you can share a laugh, you'll defuse the tension and strengthen your bond, so remind yourself that this is a growth experience for both of you, and summon up your sense of humor.

 Was he aware of making a choice?

What led him to that choice?

What does he think about it now?

Was there a cost to making that choice?

Would he do it again?

Why or why not?

How could he support himself to choose differently next time?

 6. Explore and learn with your child, rather than assuming you know what should happen now. Once he isn't being controlled by that unmet need or upsetting feeling, and he sees the result of his action (failed test, hurt sister, broken window, whatever), he feels regretful. This is only after the feelings or needs have been processed, of course. But once they aren't driving him, his "goodness" is free to come through. He naturally wants to make things better.

So you ask him:

What can you do now to make things better?

Did this incident show you anything in your life that you want to change?

How can I support you?

 7. Resist the urge to jump in with punishments. Instead, be quiet and listen. This is not about him being punished and losing privileges and being told what bad things are now going to happen to him. It's about him realizing that what he does has an impact, and taking responsibility to have a positive rather than a negative impact. If you can avoid playing the heavy, your son can actually take responsibility, because he isn't on the defensive.

In the example of the failed test, maybe he makes a written chart about schoolwork, and sits with you to do it every night, and asks the teacher for extra credit work to do, etc. Is that punishment? No, not if this is the plan that he brainstorms with you to come up with. In fact, if you help him actually follow through and partner with him so he can achieve his goals, then it's completely empowering and could transform his ability to achieve in school.

If the bad choice was hurting his sister, then the reparations would be to her. All children have mixed emotions about siblings, but that means there is affection and comradeship in there somewhere, and even protectiveness.

 8. What if he says no repair work is necessary; that he doesn't care if he failed the test and his sister deserved what she got? He's still on the defensive. Say "Oh, Sweetie....I understand why this happened and why you made this choice....but that doesn't mean your choice worked out well...you must still be so upset to say that....I know that when you aren't so upset you would feel differently....Let's give this a break and talk more later." Give him a chance to calm down. When you start talking again, start with empathy. That's what helps him heal those feelings. And model taking responsibility, maybe by saying "I think some of this is my fault...I didn't realize you were falling behind in class, or I would have helped you address it before now."

9. Step into your own power. You as the grown-up have more power than you know in this situation. Your child is depending on your leadership, even if she seems to be resisting it. If she hurt her sister, it gives you an opportunity to address the obvious sibling rivalry. If she failed her test, it gives you an opportunity to consider your family's overall prioritization of schoolwork. When we give our children sufficient support, they usually rise to the level of our expectations. Some kids just need more support than others.

10. Expect an adjustment period. Like any transition, a change in your parenting from punitive to empathic parenting will include both of you learning the new territory. No blame. We all do the best we can as parents. But if you've been punishing, your child was obeying out of fear. Once you stop punishing, she stops obeying. So you need to make it your highest priority to do some repair work on your connection, so she WANTS to cooperate with you, and doesn't want to disappoint you. Otherwise, she'll just flaunt your rules.

But what if she just can't regulate herself to stop fighting with her sister or do her homework? This is where you pay the piper for your previous punishing -- it's likely she has some big upsets stored up that are driving her behavior. Once you aren't punishing, kids feel safer, so the emotions they've been stuffing come pouring out -- sometimes in the form of rudeness toward parents. The key is to stay empathic and not take it personally. Remind her that you speak with respect to her, and that you expect civility in return: "You must be so upset to speak to me that way...What's going on, Sweetie?" Stay compassionate. Welcome her upset feelings. The more safety you can provide, the sooner your child will be willing to cry and share what's really bothering her. Once she empties her emotional backpack of all those uncomfortable feelings she's been lugging around, she'll be much more open to connecting. And because you've stayed compassionate, she'll know you're on her side, and she'll WANT to cooperate, whether she's three or thirteen.

 The hard part is changing your own habits, but luckily you'll see positive changes very quickly so you'll have incentive to keep going. Don't worry about changing your child's thinking. If you change, they change.

Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result –Oscar Wilde

Decide What’s Most Important

In the information age, there are constant demands on our attention and energy.  We face a barrage of demands that are urgent—that just have to be done by a certain date and time.  These may include doing the laundry, studying for an exam, responding to an e-mail, preparing a presentation, taking the dog for a walk, attending your son’s soccer game, or having Thanksgiving dinner with your relatives. The problem is that by the time you’ve attended to all the urgent things, it’s much more difficult to do the more complex, difficult, uncertain, but important tasks that will really move you forward towards your goals. To get to the next step in your career, find a new job, write a book, or start a small business, you need to put in a lot of time and cognitively intense effort. It all takes planning, research, networking, and preparation of materials. Unless you devote several productive hours to these activities each week, it’s not going to happen. Whereas most of us underestimate the time it will take and overestimate our willpower, successful people are realistic about the effort involved. They are clear about their priorities, have a vision of where they are headed, and are truly committed to these goals. That means they limit the time they put into the urgent stuff and sometimes just do what’s absolutely necessary, so they preserve time for building their dreams.

Do you aspire to be a truly successful person, yet run out of time and energy to get things done? Or perhaps you are performing well at a demanding job, being a supermom, or a straight “A” student, but the stress is getting to you and you know you can’t keep it up. You look enviously at that colleague, boss, or neighbor who seems not to have the same struggles. They have the same time limits and demands as you, but seem so much further  ahead in their career path, or they look fit and relaxed whereas you feel tired-eyed and bedraggled. Do they have boundless energy, superhuman capabilities, or have they figured out the secret of not needing sleep?  The truth is “None of the above.” These successful people have likely figured out the secret of working smarter, rather than harder. They understand the secrets of willpower and know how to schedule their priorities, rather than prioritize their schedule. They manage their stress and nurture their relationships. Read on to find out how you can do this too.

Be Accountable

Successful people understand that it’s not enough just to set goals; you also have to keep track of your progress and create incentives for yourself.  Otherwise it’s all too easy to put off doing the complex and difficult tasks. Changing your habits and routines is a very difficult task, and it takes commitment, effort, and persistence. Research shows we are motivated by short-term rewards and find it difficult to sustain unrewarded effort for long periods if the task isn’t intrinsically satisfying. While following your passion may give you a pleasant sense of accomplishment eventually, you have to put up with the initial uncertainty and feelings of being overwhelmed or not up to the task. The best way to tackle this is to break up larger tasks up into short-term goals, which you track and check off to give you a sense of accomplishment. At the early stages, goals will probably consist of finding information and making contacts. So, instead of beating yourself up for not finishing your first chapter, you can happily check the box for finding a well-written chapter by another author that can guide you in structuring yours.  That way, when you do write your own chapter, you will do so more efficiently and effectively. And a weekly check-in on your progress can help you adjust your goals and estimates to be more realistic, and reinforce your sense of progress and accomplishment.

- A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

- A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

ब्रा महिलाको अन्तःवस्त्र हो यो सर्वविदितै छ । तर, कसैले ब्रा संकलन गरिरहेको छ यो भने आश्चर्यको कुरा हो । कसैले यही महिलाको अन्तःवस्त्र संकलन गरिरहेको छ भन्ने सुन्दा अनौठो लाग्नु स्वभाविकै हो ।
यसरी महिलाको ब्रा संकलन गरेर पछि पसल खोल्ने हो त ? या मानसिक रुपमा पागल हो ? वा उसमा यौनसम्बन्धी कुनै समस्या छ ? जो यस्तो खाले मुर्खता गरिरहेको छ । तर, यहाँ कथा अर्कै छ । यी ब्रा संकलन न मानसिक रोगी हुन् न त यौन रोगी नै ।
यो घटना न्युजिल्याण्डको हो । विदेशमा यस्ता अजबगजब घटना भइरहन्छन् । न्युजिल्याण्डको ओटछागोका महिलाहरुलाई आफूसँग भएको कुनै पनि प्रकारको ब्रा दिन आग्रह गरिएको थियो। महिलाहरुले पनि यो कार्यक्रममा उत्साहका साथ भाग लिए ।

यो सब विश्व रेकर्ड बनाउनका लागि गरिएको हो । त्यसैका लागि त्यहाँ डारगेविले गाइड लिडर रविन मार्टिनोविकले यसरी ब्रा कलेक्सन आयोजना गरेका हुन् । यसको उद्देश्य मानिसमा स्तन क्यान्सरप्रति जागरुक गराउनु थियो । साथै यो रेकर्ड बनाउँदा जम्मा हुने रकम क्यान्सर पीडितको सहयोगका लागि उपयोग गर्नु थियो । यो कार्यक्रमलाई ब्रेस्ट क्यान्सर पिन्क रिबल अपिल नाम दिइएको थियो । कार्यक्रममा ७४८५ वटा ब्रा संकलन गरेर ४९०४ मिटर लामो चेन बनाइएको थियो । यसअघि अस्ट्रेलियामा १६६,००० ब्रा संकलनको रेकर्ड कायम छ । गिनिज बुकमा यो रेकर्ड उल्लेख गरिएको छ । एजेन्सी -

 More than eight in 10 Americans are stressed about their jobs, and yet we're not taking the time we need to de-stress. Eighty-one percent of employed Americans check their work email on weekends and 55 percent visit their inboxes after 11 p.m., according to an Opinion Matters survey, and one-third say that they respond to emails at work within 15 minutes.

Most of us, most of the time, live in a gray zone of sorts between work and leisure. We're not fully focused when we're working -- with smartphones, email alerts and social media constantly vying for our attention -- and when we're "relaxing" on the weekend, we're still plugged in to work. But being smart about how you spend your weekends could make you happier and more productive.

"There are 60 hours between that 6 p.m. Friday beer and that 6 a.m. Monday alarm clock," "168 Hours" author Laura Vanderkam writes in a Fast Company blog. "That’s plenty of time for fun, relaxation and more importantly, recharging the batteries. In our competitive world, successful people know that great weekends are the secret to workday success. You want weekends that leave you refreshed, not exhausted or disappointed."

Of course, it's preferable to use the full weekend for relaxing and recharging. But if your job does require that you get some work done during your time off, here's the right way to go about it.

Turbo-charge one hour of work.
It can be easy to graze on work email throughout the weekend, especially when you're getting messages from your boss -- which most employees are. Close to two-thirds of workers say their bosses send email over the weekend and expect a response, according to a 2011 Right Management survey, as reported by Forbes.

Interface Inc. CEO Daniel Hendrix told the New York Times that he had been working 24/7 when his then-boss sparked an epiphany about overworking on the weekends.

"The company brought in a president above me who was really charismatic and dynamic," Hendrix said to the Times. "One day he was in the office on a Sunday and he said: 'Every time I’m in here on Sunday, you’re in here working. I’m not impressed by somebody who can’t get their job done in five days. I’m really not. It’s about balance.'"

When we don't relax on the weekends, we have a hard time recovering from the stress of the workweek. The solution? Rather than sending emails here and there throughout your 72 hours off, set aside one hour on Saturday or Sunday to get it all done -- and save the rest of the weekend for relaxing. Stick to the schedule and resist the urge to take a peek at your inbox outside that hour.

Be intentional with your energy.
According to Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project and author of "The Way We're Working Isn't Working," applying a “fierce intentionality” to all that we do can benefit both our work and personal lives.

"That means that when you're working, you're really working; and when you're renewing and refueling, you're really renewing," Schwartz said at HuffPost's Third Metric conference in June.

Save it for Sunday night.
Many successful CEOs and business leaders say that they do this by setting aside one specific hour or chunk of time for work, and unplugging for the rest of the weekend. Often it's Sunday night -- so that you can start work on Monday morning feeling caught up -- but any quiet pocket of time will do the trick.

“I save everything up until Sunday night,” SurveyMonkey CEO Dave Goldberg told Business Insider in May, “because if I start sending emails on Saturday afternoon, then people have to start responding to me on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning.”

Disable your phone's email function.
If your job allows, disabling the email function on your smartphone can ensure that you apply intentionality to your weekend work, only sending emails during the allotted time when you're home and in front of your computer. When you have emails constantly popping up on your phone, it's likely that you'll be tempted to answer them.

यस धरतीमा रुख बिरुवाको के कति महत्व र आवश्यक छ, त्यो हामी सबैलाई थाहा भएकै कुरा हो तर यही धरतीमाभएका अनौठो र उपयोगी गुणकारी रुख हालसम्म पनि आम मानिसले उपयोग गर्दै आइरहेका छन् । त्यसमध्येमा पनि आश्चर्यलाग्दो अनौठो रुख पनि छन्, जुन हाम्रो कल्पनाको संसारबाट टाढाको कुरा हुन सक्छ । यस्तै अनौठो रुखको बारेमा यहाँ चर्चा गर्दैछु ।
१. सर्वत दिने रुखः अस्ट्रेलियाको क्विसल्यान्ड सहरमा एउटा विशाल रुख छ, जसको आकार बोतल जस्तै छ । यस्को उचाई १५ मिटर र फेदको मोटाइ ८ मिटर छ । यस रुखको फेदमा काटेर हेर्ने हो भने यसबाट सर्वत जस्तै मीठो र स्वादिष्ट रस निस्कन्छ ।
२. दूध दिने रुखः दक्षिण अमेरिकामा पाइने भेनेजुएला म्याजिक टि्र (जादूको रुख) नामक रुखले गाई भैंसीको जस्तै दूध दिने गर्छ । यस रुखलाई दिनमा दुई पटकसम्म दुहिने गरिन्छ । साना-साना हाँगालाई थोरै थोरै काट्दा त्यहाँबाट दूधजस्तो थोपा निस्कन्छ जसलाई तताएर खाँदा गाई भैंसीको दूधजस्तै पोषिलो मिठास हुन्छ । यस्तै ब्राजिलको घना जंगलमा ‘काउ टि्र’ नामक रुख पाइन्छ । यसको हाँगामा प्वाल पार्दा गाई भैंसीको जस्तै पौष्टिक दूध निस्कन थाल्छ । त्यस्तो दूधलाई जङ्गलवासी भाँडामा जम्मा गरेर मजासँग पिउने गर्दछ । ब्राजिलवासी यस्तो दूधमा एक प्रकारको जङ्गली औषधि प्रयोग गरेर धेरै दिनसम्म सुरक्षित राख्छन् अनि आफूलाई खाँचो परेको बेलामा त्यसलाई प्रयोगमा ल्याउँछन् ।
३. पङ्खा वाला रुख: एसियामा पाइने एकप्रकारको सानोखाले रुखलाई टेलिग्राफ टि्र भनिन्छ । किनकि यसका पातहरू बिल्कुलै हावा नचलेको बेलामा पनि फ्याट-फ्याट गरी फड्काइरहन्छन् । मानौं यिनले पङ्खा हल्लाइरहेका छन् । मानिस यस रुख मुनि बसेर शीतलता लिने गर्दछ ।
४. उज्यालो दिने रुख: चीनको हुनान प्रान्तमा पाइएको एक रुखको प्रत्येक हाँगाबिङ्गाबाट उज्यालो प्रस्फुटित हुन्छ । यो रुखको एक टुक्रा बोक्रा मात्र पनि कोठामा राखियो भने प्रकाशमय हुन्छ । कुन कारणले गर्दा यो रुखबाट प्रकाश आउँछ ? भन्ने कुरा आजसम्म पनि वैज्ञानिकले पत्ता लगाउन सकेका छैन । यस्तै ‘सोम औषधि’ नामक यो रुख हिमालको आसपासमा पाइन्छ, जसले रेडियमको जस्तो उज्यालो प्रकाश दिन्छ । यस रुखमा शुक्ल पक्ष शुरु भएपछि प्रत्येक दिन एक-एक वटा पात थपि्रदै जान्छन् । पूणिर्माको दिनसम्ममा थपिएका पातको सङ्ख्या १५ पुग्छ । यसरी नै कृष्णपक्ष सुरु भएपछि प्रत्येक दिन एउटा पात झर्दै जान्छ र औंसीको दिनसम्ममा त्यस रुखमा एउटा पनि पात रहँदैनन् ।
५. मानवरूपी रुने रुख: अफ्रिकी देशहरूमा पाइने ‘सेराङ्क’ नामक रुखको बनावट मानिससँग मिल्दछ । यस रुखको अर्को विशेषता के छ भने यसलाई काट्दा वा उखेल्दा मानिसले जस्तै आवाज निकालेर रुने गर्दछ । यस्तै केनरी द्वीपमा पाइने ‘लाउरे मण्डक’ रुख टाढाबाट हेर्दा मान्छे जस्तो देखिन्छ । यसलाई काट्न वा उखेल्न खोज्दा बालक रोए झैं रोएको आवाज आउँछ । यस्तै अमेरिकाको मिसिगन प्रान्तको आलो क्लार्क नामक व्यक्तिको बगैंचामा एक यस्तो रुख छ, जुन झट्ट हेर्दा मानिसको आकृतिसँग ठ्याक्कै मिल्दछ । यस रुखमा मानिसको जस्तै हात, खुट्टा, टाउको छ । त्यति मात्र होइन टाउकोमा टोपी पनि लगाएको जस्तो देखिन्छ भने दाहिने हातमा सानो छडी पनि लिए जस्तो देखिन्छ ।
६. पातबिनाको रुख: वनस्पतिले पातबाट सास फेर्छन् यो हामी सबैलाई थाहा भएकै कुरा हो । तर प्रकृतिमा एउटा यस्तो पनि रुख हुन्छ, जसमा एउटा पनि पात हुँदैन । अङ्ग्रेजीमा रस्को एक्युलेट्स भनेर चिनिने एकप्रकारको वनस्पतिमा पात हुँदैनन् । तर यसका हाँगाहरू नै पातको आकारमा बनेका हुन्छन् । यसमा फूल पनि यिनै पातजस्तो बनेका शाखाका बीचबाट निस्कन्छ ।
७. सियो धागोयुक्त रुख: जंगलमा घुम्दाघुम्दै कतै आफूले लगाएको लुगा उभ्रे अथवा च्यातिए भने आफूसँग सियो धागो नहुँदा ‘सेन्चुरी प्लान्ट’ नामक रुख भेटिएमा लुगा सहजै सिउन सकिन्छ । यसको रुखका हाँगा मोटा खाले पात गुच्छाका रूपमा हुन्छन् । पातका टुप्पा सियोजस्तै तिखा र कडा हुन्छन् । कुनै पातलाई फेदैमा पट्याक्क भाँचेर टुप्पो भएको ठाउँभन्दा तल एउटा ढुङ्गाले किच्ने बित्तिकै पातमा रहेको दरिलो मोटो भाग पक्लक्क उकिन्छ र टुप्पो जस्ताको तस्तै रहन्छ तर टुप्पसँग गाँसिएर भित्रि रहेको धागो यथावत् रहन्छ र त्यसैले लुगा सिउन मिल्छ ।
८. मैनबत्ती दिने रुख: दक्षिण अफ्रिकामा एउटा यस्तो रुख पाइन्छ, जसले मैनबत्तीको काम गर्दछ । योरुखको हाँगाबाट १.५ मिटर जति लामो सलाइको जस्तै मोटो काँटी निस्किएको हुन्छ । त्यो देख्दा मैनबत्ती जस्तो देखिने मात्र नभएर मैनबत्ती जस्तै बल्ने काम पनि गर्दछ । यस्तै मध्य अष्ट्रेलियामा पाइने एकप्रकारको वनस्पतिमा जुन फूल फुल्दछ, त्यो हेर्दा मैनबत्ती जस्तै हुन्छ । त्यसैलेलाई अङ्ग्रेजीमा क्यान्डिल स्टिक्स अफ दसन् भनिन्छ । तर यो फूल एक बोटमा सात वर्षमा एकपल्ट मात्र निस्कन्छ ।
९. अन्धो पार्ने रुख: एब्सिनियामा पाइने अस्कलेपियास नामक रुखको पातबाट निरन्तर दूध जस्तो एकप्रकारको सेतो झोल बगिरहन्छ । यो झोल आँखामा अलिकति मात्र परे पनि मानिस अन्धो हुन्छ । यो रुखको दाउरा चिर्दा दाउरा छोएको हातले आँखा मिच्यो भने पनि मानिस अन्धो हुन सक्छ । यस्तै वेस्ट इन्डियनमा पाइने ‘मान्चिनील’ भन्ने रुख पनि साह्रै डरलाग्दो हुन्छ । यसको रसको सम्पर्कमा आउने अन्धा हुन्छन् र यस रुखको छहारीमा रातभरी सुत्ने मानिस मरेका पनि छन् ।
१०. कपडा दिने रुख: न्युजिल्यान्डमा पाइने ‘लेस वार्क टि्र’ नामक रुखबाट कपडा प्राप्त गर्न सकिन्छ । १० मिटरसम्मको उचाई हुने यो रुख सधँै हरियो भइरहन्छ । यस रुखको सानो हाँगो काट्ने बित्तिकै त्यसको भित्रबाट सेतो जालीदार बनेको कपडा जस्तो सुत्ला निस्कन्छ । यदि ठूलो हाँगा काटेमा दरिलो जालीदार कपडाको रास नै निस्कन्छ । त्यहाँका जङ्गलमा बस्ने आदिवासी त्यही जालीदार कपडाबाट दरी, झोला, मजेत्रा आदि बनाएर प्रयोगमा ल्याउँछन् ।
११. सङ्गीत उत्पन्न गर्ने रुख: लाल सागरदेखि नील नदीसम्म फैलिएको क्षेत्र नुबियामा सोफर नामको सङ्गीतमय रुख पाइन्छ । यो रुखको हाँगामा पोका-पोका निस्कन्छ । ती पोकामा कीराले स-साना प्वाल पार्छ र सोही प्वालमा हावा छिर्दा सुरिलो सुसेली सुनिन्छ । यस्तै जमैकामा बतास चल्दा चराले गाएजस्तो सुसेल्ने रुख पाइन्छ । त्यहाँका बासिन्दा उक्त रुखलाई बोक्सी रुख भन्ने गर्दछन् भने पूजाआजा पनि गर्छन् । त्यो रुख अँध्यारोमा रहस्यमय ढङ्गले चम्कन्छ पनि ।
१२. घिउ दिने रुख: अमेरिकामा पाइने विपिङ फर नामक रुखले मैनबत्ती आकारको फल फल्छ । यो फल ४ फिटसम्म लामो हुने गर्दछ । यसलाई पेलेर घिउ निकालिन्छ । गाईलाई ख्वाउँदा मोटाउँछ । यस्तै नेपालमा पनि च्युरी नामक रुखको फलको बियाँ पेलेर घिउ निकालिन्छ । यो घिउ,औषधि बनाउन, शरीरमा घस्न, बत्ती बाल्न र साबुन बनाउन प्रयोग हुन्छ ।
१३. कीरा फट्याँग्रा खाने रुख: अमेरिकामा एउटा अचम्मको रुख पाइन्छ, जसले अरु साधारण रुख झैं माटोबाट आहार प्राप्त नगरी कीरा फट्याँग्रा खाएर बाँच्ने गर्छ । तसर्थ यसको नाम पनि कामअनुसार ‘कोबरा’ वृक्ष राखिएको छ ।
१४. कुरा गर्ने रुख: ‘डेसियोडियम ड्राइक्वेट’ नामक रुखका पातबाट गर्मीको याममा मानिसले कुरा गरेझैं आवाज निस्कन्छ । त्यसका बासिन्दाले यस रुखलाई कुरा गर्ने रुख भन्ने गरिन्छ ।
१५. मांसाहारी रुख: अफ्रिकी महाद्वीप तथा मेडागास्कर द्वीपको घना जङ्गलमा यस्ता रुख पाइन्छन्, जसले मान्छे तथा जनावर मारेर खान्छन् । यस्ता रुखको उचाइँ २५ फिटसम्म हुन्छ । यस्ता रुखको शाखा हाँगाको अगाडिको भागमा ठूलाठूला थालका आकारका फूल हुन्छन् । यिनै हाँगामा १-२ फिट लामो नङ्ग्रा जस्ता तिखा काँटा हुन्छन् । असावधानीवश कुनै मानिस वा जनावर ती रुखको छेउमा पुगे भने ती काँटाले छेड्छन्, छेडेपछि शरीरबाट बगेको रगतलाई ती काँटाले सोसेर निल्दछन् । जब ती प्राणीको शरीरबाट रगत आउन छोड्छ तब काँटाले छोडिदिन्छन् । रगत खाएको बेला रुखमा रहेका फूल अझ ठूला हुन्छन्, केही दिन पछि फेरि साविककै आकारमा आउँछन् ।
१६. गोली जस्तै पड्किने रुख: मेक्सिकोमा एक किसिमको रुख पाइन्छ । जसमा फलेका फल पाकेपछि खुबै जोडसँग फुट्दछ । फुटेका फलका टुक्राले २० फिटको घेराभित्र बसेका मानिसलाई घाइते पार्न सक्छ ।
१७. हिँड्ने रुख: अमेरिकामा पाइने ‘मेलग्रोव’ नामक रुख सयौं मिटर अग्लो हुन्छ जुन ज्यादै मन्दगतिमा हजारौं फीट पर पुग्ने गर्दछ । त्यस्तै ‘टम्पवल पिङ्स’ नामक बिरुवा खास गरेर मरुभूमिको नजिक पाइन्छ । यसले आफ्नो जरामा रहेको पानी खाइसकेपछि आफैँ नै जरा बाहिर निकाल्छ र हुरी बतास चल्दा सो सँगसँगै धेरै टाढा नदी वा महासागरमा पुगी पानी खाई पुनः जरा गाड्छ ।
१८. बर्षा गराउने (पानी पार्ने) रुख: क्षेत्रमा पाइने एउटा रुखलाई ‘समानी समन’ भनिन्छ । यसलाई बर्षा गराउने रुखका रूपमा चिनिन्छ । यसले दिनमा आफ्नो कोसाहरुमा पानी जम्मा गर्दछ र उक्त जम्मा गरिएको पानी रातमा घना बर्षा जस्तै गरी बर्साउँछ ।
१९. एकपाखे रुख: ओरेगनमा कोलम्बिया नदी घाँटीका किनारमा उमि्रएका रुख सदैव एकपाखे (एकातिरमात्र सोहोरिएका) हुन्छन् । यी रुखले लगातार एकै दिशाबाट आउने यति भीषण हावाको सामना गरिरहनुपर्दछ कि यिनका सम्पूर्ण हाँगा हावाको बहावको दिशामा नै बढ्छन् । यसैकारण रुख एकपाखे बन्न जान्छन् ।
२०. हात्ती दाँते रुख: पश्चिमी मध्य अमेरिकामा एक किसिमको रुखमा निकै ठूला फल फल्छन् । यस्ता फललाई सुकाएर टाँक आदि बनाउने काममा प्रयोग गरिन्छ । झट्ट हेर्दा यस्ता फलबाट बनेका कुनै पनि चीज हात्तीको दाँतबाटै बनाइएका जस्ता देखिन्छन् ।
२१. तेल दिने रुख: ब्राजिलमा पाइएको ‘कोपिबिया’ नामक रुखबाट वर्षमा दुई पटक तेल झिक्न सकिन्छ । एकपटकमा झिकेको तेल २५ लिटरसम्म हुन्छ । यसलाई तत्कालै गाडीमा हाली प्रयोग गर्न सकिन्छ ।
२२. तुरुन्त घाउ ढाक्ने चोपवाला रुख: मेवाको फलमा बाहिरबाट पातलो चिरा लगाएर चोप निकाल्न सकिन्छ । तर यो चोपमा एउटा विचित्रको गुण हुन्छ । यहि गुणकाकारण नै यो चोप हावाको सम्पर्कमा आउनसाथ तुरुन्त जम्दछ र चिरिएको घाउको मुख बन्द गरिदिन्छ । यसबाट चोप निस्कन पनि तुरुन्त रोकिन्छ ।
२३. सम्पूर्ण मसलाको एउटै रुख: एउटा रुख जसको नाम नै यसको गुणको आधारमा ‘सम्पूर्ण मसला’ राखिएको छ । किनकि यसको फलमा ल्वाङ, तेजपात, दालचिनीको एकमुष्ट स्वाद र सुगन्ध पाउन सकिन्छ ।
२४. साबुन दिने रुख: उत्तर अमेरिकामा पाइने साबुन रुख पनि अति उपयोगी रुख मानिन्छ । बर्सेनि यो रुखमा सुपारी जत्रो फल फल्छ । फलभित्र नरम गुदी हुन्छ । गुदीको आधाभाग बसाउने साबुन हुन्छ, जसबाट राम्ररी फिँज निस्कन्छ, सो भेगका मानिस यसैबाट लुगा धुने गर्छन् ।
२५. पेटिकोट पाम रुख: क्यालिफोर्नियामा पाइने ‘वासिङ्गटोनिया पाम’ नामक रुखलाई पेटिकोट पाम पनि भन्न सकिन्छ । यसका पातले यसको बोटलाई अनौठो तरिकाले ढाकेर सूर्यका किरणबाट जोगाउँछन् । झ्वाट्ट हेर्दा त्यहाँ एक महिलाले आफ्नो शरीरलाई पेटिकोटद्वारा ढाकेको जस्तो देखिन्छ ।
२६. नुन दिने रुख: चीनको हिलोग जियाङ्ग र जीलीन प्रान्तमा पाइने एक किसिमको रुखबाट एक प्रकारको पाउडर निस्कन्छ । यो पाउडरबाट नुनको काम लिन सकिन्छ ।
२७. अचम्मको धोत्रे रुख: अफ्रिकामा पाइने ‘एण्डुसोनिया डिजीटोटा’ नामक रुख ज्यादै आश्चर्य लाग्दो छ, जसको जराको गहिराई सय मिटर तलसम्म गाडिएको हुन्छ । यसका हाँगा खोक्रो हुन्छन् र सो भागमा पानी भरेर राख्न सकिन्छ । एउटा रुखमा पाँच हजार लिटरसम्म पानी अटाउँछ । यही पानी रेगिस्तानका यात्रीलाई बेच्ने गरिन्छ । साथै यसका हाँगामा ठूला-ठूला प्वाल पारेर मरेको मानिसको शव राख्ने चलन पनि छ । यसमा राखेको शव कुनै औषधि विना नै जस्ताको तस्तै सयौं वर्षसम्म रहन्छ ।....
पहाडी गाउँघरमा जहाँ तागतिलो तथा पोषिलो खानेकुरा कम हुन्छन तर श्रम अन्य ठाउँमा भन्दा बढी गर्नु पर्ने हुन्छ । उकालो, ओरालो त्यस माथी पीठुमा भारी । तैपनि त्यहाँका मानिसहरु फुर्तिलोका साथ उकालो चढिरहेको हुन्छ । यसको रहस्य हो, चिप्लेकिरा । पहाडी गाउँघरमा मानिसहरु बर्षायाममा खोल्सा पाखा बारीमा चिप्लेकिरा खोज्न व्यस्त हुन्छन् ।
यी किरा खाँदा हाडजोर्नी दुखेको चोटपटक लागेको ठीक हुन्छन् । यसका साथै शरीरमा निकै ताकत बढ्छ । त्यसैले पहिले देखि औषधीको रुपमा चिप्लेकिरा खाने चलन रहन्दै आएको छ । मानिसहरुले मात्र होइन गोरुले खेत जोत्न सकेन भने पनि ताकतको लागि ताकतिलो खुराकका रुपमा चिप्लेकिरा खुवाउने चलन छ ।
भियग्रा यौन वर्धक औषधीको रुपमा विश्व प्रसिद्ध छ नेपालको हिमाली क्षेत्रमा पाइने यार्सागुम्बाभियग्रा भन्दा निकै प्रभावकारी भएको कुरा प्रमाणित भैसकेको छ । चिप्लेकिरा यार्सागुम्बा भन्दा पाउन सजिलो हुनुका साथै अझ प्रभावकारी भएको कुरा ती खाने व्यक्तिहरुले भन्दछन् । अरु समयमा भन्दा चिप्लेकिरा खाएको समयमा निकै यौन शक्ति निकै बढेको अनुभव पाइएको छ । यही गुणले गर्दाले पनि आजकलका युवाहरु अझ बढी चिप्लेकिरा तर्पु आकर्षित भएको छ ।
चिप्लेकिरा त्यतिकै खान घीन लाग्न सक्छ । तर यसलाई पानीमा राखेर केही समय चलाएमा केही भाग बाहेक यो पानीमा अथवा तातो दुधमा राख्यो भने अझ चाडै घुल्छ । अनी उक्तदुध या पानीलाई पिए हुन्छ । खैरो वा सुनौलो भन्दा कालो चिप्लेकिरा अति नै प्रभावकारी एवं शक्तिवर्धक हुन्छन् । त्यसैले एक पटकमा आधी वा एक चौथाइ मात्र खानु उपयुक्त हुन्छन् ।....
१) ईंग्लिश शब्द “queue” मात्र एउटा ईंग्लिश शब्द होजसको last को ४ वटा अक्षर हटाइदिए पनि same pronounced हुन्छ ।
२) ईंग्लिश शब्दहरुमा “Set” शब्दको सबैभन्दा धेरै परिभाषा हुन्छ ।
३) ईंग्लिशमा “French kiss” भनेर जुन शब्द चिनिन्छ त्यही शब्द फ्रान्समा “English kiss” भनेर चिनिन्छ ।
४) Alphabetical order मा भनेको सबै भन्दा लामो ईंग्लिश शब्द “Almost” हो ।
५) Vowel बिनाको लामो शब्द “Rhythm” हो ।
६) कि बोर्ड को एकै पँक्तीको अक्षर बाट बनेको शब्द Typewriter नै सबै भन्दा लामो शब्द हो ।
७) विश्वमा सबै भन्दा धेरै मिल्ने नाम “मोहम्मद” हो ।
८) १११,१११,१११ x १११,१११,१११ = १२,३४५,६७८,९८७,६५४,३२१ हुन्छ ।
९) औंलाको छाप हरेक मान्छेमा फरक फरक भए जस्तै जिब्रो को छाप पनि फरक फरक हुन्छ ।
१०) कक्रोच (साङ्लेकिरा) सँग बिकिरण सँग लड्न सक्ने धेरै क्षमता हुने हुनाले केही गरी परमाणु युद्ध भएमा कक्रोच (साङ्लेकिरा) नै एक मात्र जिवित जिव हुने सम्भावना छ ।

A new British film, Powder Room, released next month,  features an all-female five-piece rock band, Fake Club. Which, if you watched a lot of editions of Top of the Pops in the 1970s, is nice. Back then, though female singers existed, no women actually played musical instruments, apart from Suzi Quatro. Though lots of the men had long hair, or wore makeup, presumably in compensation.

That, however, is not the only respect in which Powder Room is notable, gender-wise. It's being described as the British Bridesmaids, since it's a comedy about and for women. But, unlike Bridesmaids, it has no male lead characters – just a couple of tiny walk-on parts. This is not surprising, bearing in mind that nearly all of the action is set in the ladies loo of a nightclub. Yet, at the same time, it's surprising, if not unique. If a feature film with a higher female-to-male on-camera ratio has ever been made, then I'd like to know what it is.

Does it matter, mere critical mass of female presence, regardless of whether the film is any good or not? It most certainly does. A film that barely features a woman at all – Reservoir Dogs, say – isn't remarkable for that fact. One doesn't even notice. But a film that's all about women, well, that's both a marker of how far we have come in the last 50 years or so, and also marker of how very far we have yet to go.

As it happens, Powder Room, by first-time director MJ Delaney, is a good and interesting film, with some caveats. It's a low-budget film, so its necessarily limited. It's based on a play, When Women Wee, by Rachel Hirons, and it shows – it has the feel of a filmed play, not a movie. While the club-lavvy set-up is a solid device, it's hard to believe that the disparate women who feature really would all find themselves on a night out at the same place. But, hey, they do. An excellent cast, including Sheridan Smith, Jamie Winstone and Kate Nash, has the acting ability to smooth out a lot of the film's shortcomings.

The central character is Sam, played by Smith, who meets up at this unlikely venue with a college friend she hasn't been in contact with for a long time. The friend has been living in Paris for some years, where she enjoys a successful career running a fashion website with her sophisticated and beautiful French friend (whom she has somewhat inexplicably chosen to bring to this colourful dive back in the UK). She's about to get married to some marvellous guy who adores her. Sam feels so intimidated by these women, and so inadequate, that she fictitiously claims that she's now working as a lawyer, and about to move in with a lovely boyfriend.

The discomfort of the lies is made even worse when Sam's usual crowd, led by Jamie Winstone's Chanel, all turn up. Sam feels compelled to spend the entire evening making sure that the snotty fashionistas don't get wind of the fact that she even knows the rowdy and attention-seeking group of sensation-hungry hedonists that the pair have decided make such hilariously appalling entertainment.

A great strength of the film is that Sam, in her idle boasts and denial of the women she relies on for friendship, doesn't come across as a shallow hypocrite. She's unhappy and vulnerable, dissatisfied with her life, depressed, desperate for change yet unable to make it – like a lot of people. She's dissastisfied with her friends as well. The cliche is that women are great because they're such supportive mates to each other. In Powder Room, female friendships are portrayed as much more contingent. These women are clinging to each other because each other is the best they can do. Much as Sam despises the pretentious Paris girls, it's their approval and friendship that she craves.

One of the problems that arises out of the paucity of material focused on women and their lives is that when something like Powder Room does come along, the temptation is to see it as universal, a comment on what all women's lives are like, not just a narrative about one bunch of people in a certain place at a certain time. Which, of course, it is. No one, after all, ever started declaring that Reservoir Dogs was really a film about what it is to be a man.

Yet, the portrayal of femininity in Powder Room, humorous and outrageous as it is meant to be, is also disturbing. It will certainly offer comfort to those who like to promote moral panic. The drinking, the drug-taking, the pursuit of uber-casual sex, the Miley Cyrus-style twerking, the petty theft and violence that forms the backdrop of the film speaks of what used to be discussed as "ladette culture" – the idea that feminism has liberated women to behave just as badly as the ghastly lads whose seedy magazines are currently being driven off the shelves of All Good Bookshops.

Powder Room seems to suggest that such behaviour is inspired by feelings of unhappiness, inadequacy and emptiness, which few feminists would altogether deny might motivate men who behave in the same way. Yet, when pictures of half-dressed, vomiting girls appear in the tabloids, the liberal response is to suggest that this is a nasty strategy that seeks to demonise modern women.

Jarvis Cocker, in his celebrated song with Pulp, Common People, described men and women whose lives "slide out of view, who dance and drink and screw, because there's nothing else to do". That observation struck a chord with a lot of people, and Powder Room brought it to the forefront of my mind again. The idea of living for Saturday night, to let off stream and discard inhibitions is well understood. But that desperation is not confined to the unsuccessful. You only have to witness oligarchs in Ibiza throwing parties to buy glamorous guests, or money-men in lapdancing clubs in the City of London, to see that it's a lifestye choice lots of people make.

In Powder Room, everyone is desperately trying to have a good time. They've all come to a place designed expressly for the purpose. But none of them succeed – quite the contrary. Everyone is having a miserable time, and doing their best to keep that a secret from everyone else. The odd, rather terrific thing is that even though – or perhaps because – the film is all about women, it becomes much more about people than a film doing the more usual thing of looking at the relationships between the sexes could ever manage.

What's great is that Powder Room has emotional truth. One suspects that it would be more fun to go to the film with a crowd of friends, then talk about it, than it would be to go to the nightclub. My suspicion is that if there was a great deal more material like this – that looks hard and honestly at what it's like to be a woman in this world and this culture at this time, then we'd also gain a great deal more understanding of what it is to be a human in this world.